eternity

Barack Obama will only serve two terms, but his second term shall be for all eternity.

yo mamma

Barack Obama made out with your mother and you didn't really mind.

Touch Me

Barack Obama will bring back hypercolor t-shirts!

cereal: redux

Barack Obama will keep your cereal crunchy, even if you're on youtube and totally forget to take a bite for, like, ten minutes.

the sober truth

Barack Obama is just one man. He can only do so much.

Just Kidding! Happy April Fool's Day!

Hope-ocalypse!!!

Barack Obama is the Fourth Horseman of the Hope-ocaplypse!

spread the love

There's a little Barack Obama inside all of us... because he's a total slut.

no price is too high

Barack Obama never overbids on the Price is Right.

sweet deal

Barack Obama can't save your marriage, but he'll give you 500 pounds of candy so your three-year-old is too high on sugar to even notice that the messy divorce.

daylight savings

Barack Obama will rejig daylight savings time so you get an extra hour of sleep in the fall AND in the spring.

jabbarackeez

Barack Obama is the real reason that Jabbawockeez is America's Best Dance Crew.

"I did it for all 'a y'all."

honey-roasted?

Barack Obama IS the deal with airline peanuts.

filial piety

Barack Obama will make your children appreciate you.

Wow, Dad!
How did you learn so much
about double-entry bookkeeping?

get out of jail free...

Barack Obama will send every American a prepared list of convenient excuses.

biopic

Halfway through the biopic of his life, Barack Obama will take over from Will Smith and SAVE the MOVIE.



>

soc!@#*&ed medicine

Barack Obama will establish socialized medicine, but he'll call it Super-Happy-Corporate-Freedom Medicine so that conservatives can sign up without feeling guilty.

"If this be Doomsday!"

Barack Obama will defeat Galactus!

click the pic for a closer look

mcsweeney's

Barack Obama could out-mcsweeney David Eggers, but he won't. Because David Eggers is a decent guy.

tricycle

In this photograph, Baby Obama is travelling 135.7 mph, because he's tired.

happy valentine's

Barack Obama doesn't have sex. He is sex.

nutrients

Barack Obama doesn't eat, he absorbs futuristic nutrients straight out of the ether.

cereal

Barack Obama will keep your cereal crunchy, even in milk.

8 hours for everyone

If you have to stay late at work, Barack Obama will add extra hours to your day.

He knows the importance of a good night's sleep.
Just make sure you're in bed by seventeen o'clock.

tiny idiots

By his second term, Barack Obama will have resequenced our DNA so that we grow in proportion to the extent of our knowledge. The idiots of our country will be like tiny dolls we can pick up and put in our pockets.

lucky ducky

Barack Obama will prevent this from happening.

phenomobamology

Barack Obama will save the publishing industry by ordering ten thousand copies of every brilliant but unprofitable book and sending them to the developing world.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man phenomenology and he will eat
with an awareness of his own role in the perception
of flavor which doesn't exceed the bounds of
the experience as it is given to him.

superbowl

Barack Obama will show you how to construct an elaborate system of interrelated bets which guarantees that you will win $$$ as long as at least one touchdown is scored this Sunday.
USA! USA! USA!!

Obama Comic #1

If you didn't know, now you know

Barack Obama will appear in an issue of the Amazing Spider-Man!

Terrorist fist-jab!

obama sutra

On this day, in the year 432, Barack Obama invented sexual intercourse.

This is even better than I expected.

funky nasa

Barack Obama will appoint George Clinton as the new NASA administrator.

"Esteemed Gents and Ladies,
We have the Billions, we have the Science,
We are gonna build ourselves ONE FUNKY MOTHERSHIP!"


_____
soundtrack:

cake

Barack Obama will let you have your cake and eat it too. And it's chocolate cake.

a brand new, funky president

inauguration

Barack Obama will take care of things so President Bush can finally get some rest.

Run along now, Georgie Porgie.

It's tricky to run a country. It's tricky, tricky, tricky.

We here at Barack Obama Will Fix Everything wish to god that we had come up with this priceless photoshop (and tshirt) but alas, we did not.


Nevertheless, we wholeheartedly endorse it's message.


H/t to boingboing.net for bringing this important image to our attention.

SUCCESS!

Barack Obama has already fixed Global Warming. Seriously. Have you been outside lately?

souffle

Barack Obama's soufflés never collapse.

parking spot

If you're running late for the movie, Barack Obama will find you a great parking spot.

"This spot is AWESOME!!!"

imagine

Imagine one day you woke up and the internet was gone. Don't worry, Barack won't let that happen.

recursion

Barack Obama is totally recursive.

hope

Barack Obama will make our cars and factories run on pure hope.

(may be toxic to children under five)

pre-school post-structuralists

Barack Obama's children are smarter than you, but they won't make you feel bad about it.

"We put our desks in a big circle and I said it felt
like a panopticon. Mrs. Rybczynski said, 'Aren't you
a little young for Derrida?' I didn't say anything,
so she wouldn't be embarrassed.

zombies

If Barack Obama were a zombie, he'd convince all the other zombies to only devour the brains of the elderly and sick.

click for a larger view

Because children are the future. Even for zombies.

dog years

With his touch alone, Barack Obama made this dog immortal.