poughkeepsie

Barack Obama is the hottest shit since the Great Poughkeepsie Manure Fire of 1832.

faeries

Every time someone says they don't believe in Barack Obama, a fairy dies.

"Oh my winged brethren, it pains me to see so many of you dying so young."

Special thanks to honeyhands for the lustrous photojournalism

careful

Unless you hold Baby Obama very tightly, he will fly away.

appropriate punishment

Barack Obama will reintroduce the public pillory, but he'll only use it on people who stop right in the middle of the sidewalk and just stand there.

arthritis

Barack Obama won't cure arthritis, he'll improve it! Instead of an agonizing ache, you'll feel a radiant glow of physical pleasure.